Saturday, November 19, 2005

The Wildcat's Cafe Mocha Adventure

"He's pretty pissed because you won't share your mochas with him. That's right--his silence isn't that he's sexually confused--it's all about the coffee, man. Give him a Grande Cafe Mocha..."

The previous quote comes from a reply to my previous "Name That Wildcat" entry.  I must admit, Jess' idea sounded like it had merit, so I said... What the heck?  Let's get this cat a cafe mocha.  A trip to the bookstore might even do him some good.  Oh, but the best laid plans of mice and wildcats...

Everything started off just fine.  We get to the store, and I made sure we went straight for the cafe.  Now, I did consider going to a different Barnes & Noble, after all, this one is where my wife works.  But how much trouble could one little wildcat cause?

This was my wildcat's first trip to a cafe, so you can imagine how excited he was.  The sight of all that coffee and sugar-filled pastries nearly sent the cat into convulsions.  No seizure, though.  Instead he went running wild throughout the cafe, and the staff had to help me catch him.

I wasn't too upset with him by this point.  After all, it was his first time, and he's still a young wildcat.  Can't expect him to just curl up and yawn at his age, now can I?  So I just assumed we'd had our little "hiccup" for this trip and ordered his drink.  Being a frequent visitor to the cafe, I should have realized what happened next wouldn't settle well with my wildcat's impatient nature.

Ahem...  Well, now that we finally had our drinks, things calmed down for a little bit.  Turns out my wildcat really liked the whip cream in his drink after all.  I suppose I'll have to bring him back so he can apologize to the guy who made his drink... well, once the guy gets out of the hospital.  I'd say more, but the stipulations in the lawsuit prevent me from saying more.

Our drinks were still too hot to drink right away, so I decided to take my wildcat for a stroll through the bookstore.  Unfortunately, I got sidetracked by the tower of Robert Jordan's latest novel, Knife of Dreams.  "Hmmm...  That one in the middle of the stack looks like a good copy."

While I was busy cleaning up the fallen pile of Robert Jordan's books, my wildcat found... other things to occupy his time.  Bad kitty.  That is NOT what those books are meant for!  Bad kitty!  On the bright side, I now know my wildcat has a thing for Russian Blues, so I'll never make the mistake of leaving him alone with one of those.

My wildcat was ordered to find something more appropriate to read, and I was so pleased when I saw what he'd found.  He quickly closed the book when I found him looking at a book inspired by the film "March of the Penguins."

I assured him there was no need to be embarrassed just because he found a good, family-friendly novel entertaining.  "Yes, yes...  It's okay," I told him.  "You can read it.  Hey, wait a minute.  Why isn't that book sitting right?

"Oh, my God in Heaven!  Sex Kittens?!?  This is KITTY PORN!  'EXPLICIT CONTENT!?!'  Oh... BAD wildcat!  Bad, bad, BAD wildcat!"

Needless to say, my wildcat's "Cafe Mocha Adventure" ended right there.  maybe finding a good family-friendly name will curb these bad tendencies of his.  Of course, that's all up to you people.  Already plenty of good suggestions, and I can tell it won't be easy to pick... but if you've got anymore ideas, feel free to post them here or to the previous "Name That Wildcat" entries.  I'll keep taking suggestions until Monday, November 28th.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a young wildcat to punish.  Bad, bad, BAD wildcat!


dklars said...

Haha!  That was awesome!

globetrotter2u said...

Loved that movie March of the Penguins. Made the husband feel guilty as hell though, over his own pitifully one-sided (ah-hem) contribution to bringing offspring into the world. My cat likes Kitty porn, too. Caught him checking out PETA ads...

vortexgirl said...

That was real nice of everyone to help out with that.  
It's not really 'Skywhips' fault.  You keep him locked in the computer for most of the time and this was his first outting after all.  I'm sure 'Skywhips' will behave the next time.  You could get him some kitty books before you go out and then he might look for something, less furry shall we say.  lol
Samantha enjoyed this as well, she's the one who came up with 'Skywhips' which you have to say out loud to really get the feel for it.  
Not only was that very creative, it was very funny as well.

knightbek said...

I suppose it's remiss of me to have left out my bit of gratitude to my wife's co-workers.  They really were good sports about it.  Fortunately for my wife, they already know I'm a rather strange fellow.  I'm also grateful to the customers in there who never complained but must have wondered why some fool was going around snapping pictures with a digital camera.

Bill, the Wildcat

vortexgirl said...

The true bloggers would have known and that's all that counts.  I have been carrying my camera with me everywhere since I learned to post pictures so I would have recognized you for what you are.  lol  
It's also a wonder no one complained about Skywhips.  Have you ever tried to read a book with a cat around.  All they want to do is rub the spine and lay in the middle so that once again they are the center of attention.  That is unless you have trained Skywhips better than that.  
Yes, I'm pushing the name.  ;););)

deslily said...

Ahemmm, i would say someone has been playing in the paint program a tad more then usual lol.. really cute Bill!!.. love it!

aurielalata said...

Who knew that Orion was such a stud? LOL I laughed until I cried, which was difficult since I was having to laugh silently (kids are in bed). Maybe you should consider buying Orion his own espresso machine for Christmas, so he can make cafe mochas at home and stay out of trouble! I would suggest a subscription to Playkitty, but I know how much you want him to grow up to be a gentleman with moral fiber. Good luck!

I never knew that a few silly comments could cause so much insanity! LOL


aurielalata said...

Gina wants to enter your contest, but since she's not allow on the computer right now, I have been elected to forward her entry. She has chosen the name "Neon" because of the wildcat's stripes.

She also thinks that Neon needs a girlfriend. We've actually posted all of this information in my journal. :) Hope you don't mind that we used wildcat's picture as part of the post. Anyway, enjoy!


ondinemonet said...


I LOVE this entry. I am amazed when I visit here. Thank you so much for making an otherwise bleak day, very nice. The cat RULES!

Always, Carly :)

jmorancoyle said...

    I love your kitty. His name should be Hiccup. Damned he's cute.